Rain or Rainbow?

Our brains have what psychologists call a negativity bias. We are hard-wired to give more attention to negative experiences than we are to remember positive experiences.

Last week, a good friend was preparing for a trip to California for a family reunion. Her anticipated excitement shifted to fear and anxiety as the departure date neared. Her worry list was ever-growing: How do we navigate unvaccinated family members? What if we contract COVID and have to quarantine in an LA hotel for 10 days and miss work back at home? Her daydreaming of sunbathing on California beaches and hugging family members was replaced with worrying about everything that could go wrong. I felt bad and could totally relate. But I knew she had been looking forward to the trip weeks earlier, so I asked her three things she was looking forward to. She said, “I haven’t thought about that in so long.” But once asked, she told me all about her favorite brother-in-law she hadn’t seen in five years, the great aunts that were also traveling to the party, and the chance to be with her adult children and their partners. “I had totally forgotten about all the good things that are happening on this trip.” This is what negativity bias does. We end up giving more airtime in and out of our heads to the more negative aspects of experiences and thus increase our stress and worry while totally forgetting about all the good.

There is not a quick fix to your negativity bias. It is hard-wired! You can, however, be more aware of how your own negativity bias affects you. If you’re noticing more stress, anxiety, tension, or maybe more complaining check in with how much energy you are giving to the less pleasant experiences in life. While they are not to be ignored or glossed over (that would be so phony), recognize how much time, energy, and thought you give to the positive in comparison to the negative.

Consider this-If someone asked you after a rainy+rainbow trip to the beach, “How was the beach?” Would you answer, “Oh, it poured, and we got so wet!” or would you answer, “We got to see the coolest rainbow over the water!”??